They say Patience is a virtue. I guess the person who said that has never waited on their child. It has been a long wait. We are going on 16 months. I am beyond frustrated, beyond anxious, beyond questions, beyond surprise and BEYOND patience. It is a tough task to sit idly by while people around you get their children in 9 months, 10 months, a year. I have pasted on many a smile and muttered a less that enthusiastic "Congratulations! We are so happy for you!" more than one time. Not that I am not truly happy for those around us who have brought home their forever child, but jealousy rears it's ugly head! I want to hold my little girl, I want to see if she smells the way I have dreamed, I want to run my fingers through her typically Islander straight hair (something we don't have in this family) I want to ease this feeling of angst in my heart, this pleading in my soul, the unrest that I feel, that sometimes overwhelms me to the point of distraction. I have another little baby out there, that should be here!!!!
There is an empty spot in my heart. God asked me to take more, I promised Him I would.....I am just waiting for Him to fulfill His end of the bargain! Boy, do I not like His timing sometimes!
But we just keep on, with our daily routine, trying to keep our minds focused on what He has for us right now, in this moment, and praying everyday that the Lord will give us Mercy!
